When Rand Met Luc
by Radem Leb Dirab
Summary: Rand and Perrin seek revenge, while Tom, Mat, and Aludra attempt a rescue


Rand: By any chance do you have six fingers on your right hand  
  
Luc: Do you always start conversations this way?  
  
Rand: It's just that my father was murdered by a man with six fingers.  
  
Luc: Well, in that case, no. [shoves hand inside cloak]  
  
Rand: My name is Rand al'Thor. You killed my father, prepare to die!  
  
Luc: What?  
  
Rand: My name is Rand al'Thor. You killed my father, prepare to die!  
  
Luc: Hey, I didn't come here looking for a fight Dragon-boy  
  
Rand: It's Dragon-Man to you. My name is Rand al'Thor. You killed my father, prepare to die!  
  
Luc: Stop saying that!!!  
  
[Enter Perrin]  
  
Perrin: Hey Rand, long time no [notices Luc]. . . YOU!!  
  
Luc: Crap, it's wolf boy  
  
Perrin: That's Wolf-Man to you Slayer  
  
Rand: I thought his name was Luc, you know my crazy uncle who ran off into the Blight and ended up killing my father. Which reminds me . My name is Rand al'Thor. You killed my father, prepare to die!  
  
Perrin: What? Are you going crazy already?  
  
Luc: Yeah, you better take care of it. I'm out of here. [Shifts into Tel'aran'rhiod]  
  
Rand: Now look what you did wolf-boy!  
  
Perrin: IT'S Wolf-Man! and if you hadn't have been talking all crazy, I could have killed him.  
  
Rand: No, I'm gonna kill him because My name is Rand al'Thor. He killed my father, and right now he should be preparing to die! I warned him at least three times.  
  
[A shimmering gate appears in front of Rand and he enters Tel'aran'rhiod]  
  
[Realizing what Rand has done, Perrin lies down on the side of the road and goes to sleep]  
  
~In Tel'aran'rhiod~  
  
[Rand appears in a field and sees no one around]  
  
Rand: Crap, how am I going to exact revenge now, I haven't been here in the flesh since I  
  
flamed that one guy who was trying to seduce my mother-in-law, she's hot! I mean she has a beautiful daughter.  
  
[Thinks to self : why did I just say that out loud?]  
  
[Perrin appears next to him]  
  
Perrin: What are you saying now? Don't even think about making a move on Morgase, she's mine. You had your chance but you decided to rob the cradle instead.  
  
Rand: What can I say? I'm a sucker for jailbait and tomboys.  
  
Perrin: *twitch twitch*  
  
Rand: Are you okay?  
  
Perrin: Who knows? To the tower of Ghenji!!  
  
Rand: What?  
  
[Perrin grabs Rand's arm and drags him to the base of a huge steel tower, there are three figures crouched at the base of the tower huddled over something]  
  
Rand: Excuse me, do any of you happen to have six fingers on your right hand?  
  
Perrin: Shut Up!  
  
[Mat, Thom, and Aludra stand and stare at Rand, there seems to be a bell lying on it's side next to them]  
  
Mat: It's great you showed up Rand, I forgot my matches, could you channel this fuse to light?  
  
Rand: Sure [Fuse starts to burn]  
  
[All run back behind a tree . . .loud explosion]  
  
Rand: Cool! What was that.  
  
Aludra: [right next to Rand] A little something I invented.  
  
Rand: You know you're kind of cute . .  
  
Mat: Lay off, she's mine Rand you already have three women knocked up! And besides, she's only seventeen!  
  
Thom: Seventeen!!! Bloody Ashes!! She told me she was thirty-five [Walks towards tower cursing]  
  
[Rand, Mat, and Perrin stare at her, start twitching at the thought of her and Thom and then turn and follow Thom towards the tower]  
  
Thom: It appears that the explosive made a fine hole in this steel tower. They should have used a more tough steel, this looks as though it was extremely brittle, and the fractures easily propagated during the impact with the ball from the cannon. For an all-knowing species, those guys sure hired a poor engineer.  
  
Mat: Yeah, they probably just hired a civil to do it.  
  
[All laugh until they are all in tears]  
  
Mat: Okay we're going in, Remember: Courage to Strengthen  
  
Fire to Blind  
  
Music to daze  
  
Iron to bind  
  
Rand: I can sing  
  
All: NO!  
  
Rand: Well you don't have to shout, I guess I'll just be courage  
  
Perrin: I'll use my axe to bind his little . . .  
  
Mat: Calm down Wolf Boy  
  
Perrin: Wolf Man!!!  
  
Mat: Whatever, let's just go in and wing it like we usually do.  
  
[All head into the tower]  
  
Perrin: I'm going to look for Slayer, you guys can get Moiraine  
  
Thom: *muttering* at least she doesn't lie about her age, damnit. . .  
  
[3 halls are there -Perrin heads off to the left, Thom down the middle, and Rand and Mat head down the right]  
  
1 hour later  
  
[Perrin enters a room-sees two figures on the other side talking-hides while listening]  
  
Voice One: All I'm saying is I think Verin would look good in a two piece bikini. . .  
  
Voice Two: That's just wrong, and you know why, she's fat! That's why!  
  
Voice One: Rand, you have become so superficial since we left Emond's Field, all your girls have to have special powers to be knocked up by you.  
  
Rand: Damn straight, I ain't pickin up no Aes Sedai has-beens like Verin.  
  
Voice Three: You are disgusting, I saw that Verin in the Two Rivers and just the sight of her in a riding dress made me twitch.  
  
Rand: Luc!! . . . My name is Rand Al'Thor. You killed my father, prepare to die!  
  
Voice Three: Oh yeah, sorry about that.  
  
Rand: Well, I guess he wasn't a very good father anyways, he went off questing instead of trying to find me or avenge my mother's death, so we'll call it even.  
  
Luc: Sounds good to me.  
  
[Axe Blade blossoms through Luc's chest]  
  
Luc: It would appear you have distracted me Rand Al'Thor, bad form old chap.  
  
Rand: Nice shot Perrin, didn't even see you there  
  
Luc: *under breath* stinking Ta'veren, luck's always on their side  
  
[Luc collapses dead]  
  
Perrin: And just for the record, I have dibs on Verin if Faile accidentally bites the dust. So have you guys seen Thom.  
  
Mat: Nope, we got bored and quite lost, so we just decided to stay here and let them come find us.  
  
[In another part of the tower]  
  
Thom: Damn, where is that woman.  
  
Fox Man: Are you looking for her too? She's pretty crafty, kind of annoying too, always telling us what to do like she's the boss, you can have her if you can find her.  
  
Thom: Thanks, but could you lend a hand in the search.  
  
Fox Man: Sorry man, it's your problem now. [disappears]  
  
Thom: Damn, women, can't live with them! can't balefire them or you become a virgin again!  
  
Moiraine: [stepping from behind a column] I heard that Thom.  
  
Thom: Oh, uh, well, let's just get out of here, it's no use trying to argue with you.  
  
Moiraine: I knew you would come for me, but I never knew why exactly.  
  
Thom: Well, I am getting pretty old, and from the innuendos in your letter, I knew you were my last chance at getting any before I kicked the bucket.  
  
Moiraine: At least you're honest, Lan always played hard to get before that little whore Nynaeve showed up.  
  
Thom: They're married now  
  
Moiraine: [sniffs]  
  
Thom: What was that?  
  
Moiraine: [sniffs and walks away]  
  
Thom: Hey wait up . . .  
  
The End 


End file.
